Absolutely Extraordinary... or not

Americans are fascinated by professional sports for many reasons, and chief among them is the element of true surprise that takes place throughout the course of a game or due to newsworthy headlines off the playing surface.

People love to be amazed by things they see on “SportsCenter” that can only be described as unbelievable, mind-boggling, eye-popping, crazy and out-of-this-world. However, our shelling out of an emphatic “WOW!” is being used too loosely nowadays.

For instance, some events in sports over the past week were deemed appalling for no reason. Lets apply the Homeland Security Advisory System and rank some stories that occurred while your woman was having a “Girls night out” while seeing Sex and the City for the eighth time in five days.


SEVERE SHOCK LEVEL: Josh Hamilton of the Texas Rangers is making a legitimate run for the American League Triple Crown. Through Monday, Hamilton ranks second in batting average (.329 to Hideki Matsui’s .332) and first in home runs (17). Most impressive is Hamilton’s RBI total, 67, which far and away leads all of baseball. At his current pace, he would join Hack Wilson, Lou Gehrig and Hank Greenberg as the only players to drive in at least 180 runs in a season.

So, why is his success such a surprise? After being drafted with the No. 1 overall pick in 1999 by the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, Hamilton did everything he could to make sure he’d never put up these eye-popping statistics.

He sunk his $4 million signing bonus into alcohol and drugs, using more illegal substances at one point than Keith Richards of The Rolling Stones. To this point, Hamilton still doesn’t carry more than $20 in his wallet at any given time due to fear that he’d relapse and have an urge to make a drug-related purchase.

After being released by the Rays and written off as a problem child and a bust, Hamilton made a comeback. The Chicago Cubs drafted him in the 2006 Rule 5 draft and promptly sold him to the Cincinnati Reds. Even a team mired in a 98-year slump wouldn’t take the risk.

After hitting .292 with 19 HR’s in 90 games for the Reds in 2007, Hamilton was sent packing to the Rangers for Edinson Volquez—a trade that’s worked out well for both teams if the Rangers had a legitimate No.1, 2 or 3 starter on their roster.

Athletes with exceptional talent make people take notice. Athletes that have overcome a rough childhood or an extremely bad event in their life provide a feel-good story that makes people want to see them succeed. Hamilton is the very rare case where both are in play and the sky is the limit for a super-talent many are beginning to call, “The Natural.”


HIGH SHOCK LEVEL: Michael Johnson, the American five-time gold medalist and double world-record holder announced he is voluntarily returning one of his gold medals from the Sydney Olympics because it is associated with a former team mate that has admitted to doping.

Johnson’s former relay partner Antonio Pettigrew recently admitted to using steroids and performance enhancing drugs during the 2000 Sydney Games at the Balco trial. Pettigrew’s use of banned substances is far from shocking. It’s simply become impossible for fans to think anyone in track & field is clean anymore—a sad, but true situation.

What is mind-boggling is that Johnson would simply hand over a piece of gold that still signifies his greatness and is something he worked so hard to achieve. Nobody asked him to do this, and without Pettigrew there’s a great chance the relay team still would have heard the “Star Spangled Banner” after the race.

Sure, Johnson still has plenty of gold to fall back on. He could wear a different one every day of the week. But, it’s the gesture that is so surprising and one of the most effective ways an athlete can show he is against the use of PED’s and never wants to be associated with them.

Now, if someone could just convince Jason Giambi to hand over the 2000 AL MVP award to Frank Thomas a true cleansing process in sports would be underway.


ELEVATED SHOCK LEVEL: Near the end of last week, rumors began to swirl about a potential trade where the Chicago Bulls would send the No. 1 pick and a package of players to the Miami Heat for the No. 2 pick and Dwyane Wade.

This surprise factor here is more personal than anything, as I blogged about this last time as more of an opinion than an actual rumor. Granted, I’d been told by my sources that it would be an intriguing option.

That entry appeared at least a week before any of these new rumors began. Therefore, I think it’s only right that I get credit for beginning the rumor mill on this one. It also marks the first time I wrote something in my “GM” mindset that really appears to have the potential to come true.

Hmmmmm, now I wonder if this blog has some famous viewers… maybe some in prominent roles with NBA franchises.

So, for all the best opinions, trade ideas, proposed free agent signings and sports commentary you’ve come to the right place!

(Hey, if Hillary Clinton can turn what was supposed to be a concession speech into a plug to visit hillaryclinton.com, why can’t I do some plugging of my own?)


GUARDED SHOCK LEVEL: Ozzie Guillen went on another tirade Sunday after the White Sox lost their third straight game against the Rays.

"Just be ready because I expect movement Tuesday," Guillen said after the Sox went 2-for-14 with runners in scoring position in a loss capped by Gabe Gross' walk-off home run off Matt Thornton on an 0-2 count in the bottom of the 10th inning. "I expect (general manager) Kenny Williams to do something Tuesday, and if we don't do anything Tuesday, there are going to be a lot of lineup changes. That's all I'm going to say about the offense."

"It can be me. It can be (hitting coach) Greg Walker. It can be the players. It could be anybody," he said. "I'm sick and tired to watch this thing for a year and a half. I'm not protecting anybody anymore. [Bleep] it. If they can't get it done, Kenny should find someone to get it done."

Ozzie’s rants are great for radio talk shows and columnists that struggle to find compelling storylines. However, they hardly contain shock value anymore. They definitely shouldn’t be discussed as grounds for a firing on local and national television, either.

There are two things people need to get through their heads in regards to Ozzie:

1—He will continue to say what he wants when he wants because he doesn’t care what anyone thinks. Only White Sox chairman Jerry Reinsdorf and general manager Ken Williams’ opinions matter. As long as a microphone is in front of his face, Ozzie will give the quote other managers won’t. He’ll give his honest opinion laced with profanity, Williams will need to sit him down like a 3rd grader and explain that it wasn’t right to do that and then all will be forgiven.

2—Ozzie is usually right about what he says. His team has one of the best pitching staffs in baseball, yet the offense is still MIA. Before Tuesday’s game against the Kansas City Royals, the Sox were hitting an anemic .177 with runners in scoring position and two outs. Future Hall of Famer Jim Thome, former All-Star and team captain Paul Konerko and key offseason acquisition Nick Swisher were all hitting under .215.

Despite being in first place, the Sox hold the worst division-leading record in baseball and have failed to build a comfortable cushion over the disappointing Cleveland Indians and Detroit Tigers. So, Ozzie sent a message by playing with the media—again. If the bats don’t wake up soon and Cleveland remembers how to hit or Detroit finds some capable pitchers, watch out.

Looks like the message may have worked. The Sox scored nine runs Tuesday, including a home run by Swisher. Managers should know their clubhouse better than anyone else. Ozzie has had a good handle on his since he got the job and with a World Series championship under his belt, won’t be going anywhere soon.

Only Greg Walker should have a legitimate gripe here and instead of media members calling for his head after every offbeat remark, relax and realize it’s simply “Ozzie being Ozzie.”

LOW SHOCK LEVEL: Many candidates for the least surprising sports story. Lakers vs. Celtics in the NBA Finals? Yawn. Chicago Cubs fans ready to purchase their World Series DVD’s at the beginning of June? Hilarious, yet not at all surprising.

The best non-headline headline comes courtesy of Chicago Bulls center Joakim Noah. Noah has had issues staying out of trouble with the law recently. After being stopped by a police officer, he was found to be in possession of cannabis (marijuana).

Now, why is this not at all surprising? Play along for a minute.


Look at the picture to the right and pretend that you have no idea who this person is. Forget that you saw him win two national championships at Florida or become a lottery pick in the 2007 NBA Draft. Heck, you don’t even know he’s seven-feet tall.

What is this person’s most likely occupation based on the picture?

A) Taco Bell cashier
B) High school dropout turned grocery store bagger
C) Janitor
D) A guy you saw on “Dirty Jobs”

What do most employees in these occupations have in common? They love to smoke grass.

Do you think John Paxson’s reaction to this story was a simple shoulder shrug and head-shaking laugh? This was only inevitable and I suppose the only element of surprise is that the arrest occurred in Gainesville, Fla.

I guess Noah wasn’t as recognizable as he thought.

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