EVERYTHING IS (BLEEPING) WRONG

Maybe it’s four-dollar-per-gallon gas that leads to $100 fill-ups. Or maybe it’s simply the long-awaited arrival of summer. But the sanity of today’s American society is becoming a serious cause for concern.

In a country neck-deep in a recession, with unemployment rates soaring and a housing market without a market; with a presidential election featuring a woman or a black man that could be the most important in history only about six months away…

And in a world with millions of starving children and somewhere between 22,000-100,000 people’s lives taken from a massive cyclone in Myanmar…

Think Allen Iverson’s famous practice press conference when reading the next line: and we’re talking about two blow-up dolls in a major league clubhouse? Really, blow-up dolls? We’re talking about blow-up dolls, man?

Are you (bleeping) serious?

In a childish attempt to lighten the mood in their clubhouse and end a (bleeping) terrible hitting slump, Chicago White Sox players purchased two blow-up dolls during their recent road trip to Toronto. Then, they propped them up with baseball bats placed in certain areas and featured a sign reading, “You’ve got to keep pushing.”

An immature act by a group of “adults”? Abso(bleeping)lutely. Front-page material and a reason to fire the profanity-filled Ozzie Guillen? Absolutely not.

We’re talking about baseball players, here. Not congressmen. Not professors. Not doctors. Ballplayers have been known for far worse acts such as cocaine use; alcohol abuse and adultery just to name a few. Yet, we’re talking about blow-up dolls… really?

Let’s save the front-page space and national television and radio debates for real news. Events detailing a boating while influenced case by a running back bust qualify as a disaster for the spotlight. Or simply, whenever the (bleeping) Cubs finally win a World Series for the first time in 100 (or more) years.

A quick memo to some professional “journalists”: Before condemning a team and its manager, try covering them for something other than a World Series Championship first. Chicago Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti thinks it’s okay to call for Guillen’s job and call the White Sox “Chicago’s embarrassment,” while his colleague, Carol Slezak, has no problem calling the Sox a classless organization. Both would be brand new faces in the Sox clubhouse and neither was in Toronto to witness “dollgate.” Their comments merely formed by reading details of the incident as described by others.

Journalists aren’t saints, either. Yet, Mariotti and Slezak think it’s perfectly okay to sit on their throne and criticize others. I’ve worked with many female reporters, most with minds just as dirty as their male counterparts and most that would probably have taken one look at the dolls, giggled and shook their heads at the childish act.


But, that’s the problem with society. A few bad apples will always be (bleeping) pissed about something. Let’s not discuss how Nick Swisher—the main suspect of the doll prank—grew his hair long last season only to cut it off and donate it to chemotherapy patients. And heaven forbid Chicago media give similar coverage to Swisher, John Danks, Toby Hall and Bobby Jenks painting their goatee’s pink to show their support for Breast Cancer on Mother’s Day.

I’ve been in the Sox clubhouse a handful of times over the last few seasons and find the majority of the players to be fun, kind and character-rich individuals. Admittedly, Guillen has his faults--as do most athletes—but I find it refreshing that he is willing to say what’s on his mind. Most of what he says—whether in Spanish, English, a combination of both or a rant filled with bleeps—holds truth.

But lets go ahead and let one questionable act put a permanent dark cloud over a model organization over the past few years.

(Bleeping) unbelievable!


Then, there’s PETA making complete fools of themselves by protesting the death of filly Eight Belles. The horse died a tragic death bringing grief to her breeder, owner, trainer and jockey and these people refuse to step off. If people are insane enough to raise hell over this, they will raise hell over anything.

PETA claims the filly didn’t belong racing with the men. Where are feminist groups raising hell over sexism? Didn’t the filly finish second, beating 18 males?

They blame the jockey, Gabriel Saez, for abusing the horse during the race. This is otherwise known as trying to win—a common practice among jockeys. Latino activist groups should be all over this one.

Let’s put PETA members, hardcore feminists and Latino activists in a “Steel Cage” protest to the death.

Eight Belles ran the race of her life and suffered a painful death immediately afterwards. Nobody is happy about it, but let it go already.

One can only wonder how much better America would be if crazy people focused their attention on more worthwhile issues than (bleeping) blow-up dolls and stopped trying to blame anyone for anything.

(BLEEP!)