Will the Cubs be Good... Enough?

Cubs’ general manager Jim Hendry went on a $300 million shopping spree this winter, hoping to solve many of the problems that his club has encountered since the “Bartman tragedy” of 2003.

Logically, one would think that money would have helped answer many questions surrounding the franchise. One would be wrong. Preseason predictions by the so-called experts show the Cubs finishing anywhere from first-to-fourth in the National League’s Central Division. As is the case with the other 29 teams in baseball the overall projection suggests that the Cubs might—or might not—make the playoffs. Bold predictions abound.

I can’t say I blame them though. For everything they know, there is something they don’t and that makes it really tough to figure out if the 2007 Cubs will actually be good. For instance:

I know that the bleacher bums shouldn’t get too intoxicated this year. Alfonso Soriano, Derrek Lee, Michael Barrett and Aramis Ramirez might combine for 150 home runs and nearly 500 runs batted in. The bleachers will be a dangerous place this season if you can’t catch a ball because you’ve consumed a few too many alcoholic beverages.

I don’t know what to expect from the other spots in the lineup. Will Mark DeRosa come remotely close to the .296 batting average he posted last season in his contract year, or will he fall back to the .273 career average he owns? Will Cesar Izturis’ legs ever again allow him to beat out anything he slaps into the infield grass? Will Jacque Jones ever figure out how to protect the plate with two strikes? Was Matt Murton’s first full season at the major league level simply an aberration or is he capable of improving upon his team-best .365 on base percentage?

I know the 2007 Chicago Cubs have a realistic chance to break the 1945 Philadelphia Phillies' modern era single-season record of 234 errors. Seriously, this team will have a blooper DVD all to itself. Every time I see the letters CF next to Soriano’s name I just begin to laugh like I’m watching a Dane Cook stand-up special.

Whose idea was it to put a poor fielding leftfielder in the most important outfield position in a difficult ballpark to judge fly balls? The entertainment value of seeing Soriano’s goofs will be worth the price of admission alone.

Of course, Ramirez still stars as Edward Scissorhands at third base, though Lee’s outstanding glove has made Ramirez a tolerable fielder. Meanwhile, Barrett remains one of the worst defensive catchers. He calls a terrible game and doesn’t like the head-on collisions on plays at the plate. Good thing he can hit.

I don’t know that Fred McGriff will give this video his “full endorsement,” but it would serve as good viewing material to teach youngsters what NOT to do. Maybe Tom Emanski would agree to help Lou Piniella teach the basic fundamentals of the game. Then the Cubs could be come back-to-back-to-back AAU National Champions!

I know Carlos Zambrano is the best pitcher in baseball not named Johan. He’s a fierce competitor, a true workhorse and a legit Cy Young candidate.

I don’t know that Hendry’s spending really helped the rest of the rotation behind Zambrano. Rich Hill finally showed why he’d been so successful in the minor leagues, but he didn’t do so until the pressure was off and “Wait ‘til next year” was back in vogue. Ted Lilly and Jason Marquis earned big paydays for winning as many games as they lose. When the wind blows out at Wrigley Field opposing hitters will treat them like Home Run Derby pitchers. Let’s just see how long Wade Miller lasts before he joins Kerry Wood and Mark Prior on the disabled list.

I know that Hendry at least brought in healthy bodies so the Cubs wouldn’t rely so heavily on Wood and Prior. I also know that they should pick a day during spring training to make “annual DL day.” It could be like Academy Awards night. Wood and Prior will show up in their Russell Athletic uniforms, walk down the sand base paths and be presented with a towel to use when they throw bullpen sessions. These guys will go down in baseball history as the best simulated game pitchers of this era.

In all seriousness, I think Kerry Wood needs to think about retirement soon. His “golden” right arm is so screwed up and I’m afraid he’s a few injuries away from never being able to play a simple game of catch with his kids.

I don’t know what the problem is with Prior, but I think the Cubs have to find out fast. Either it’s mental, and he is just afraid to uncork the heat because he doesn’t want another arm injury, or it’s physical. Physical as in steroids helped add extra mph on the fastball and he’s now off the roids. I still would like to hear an explanation as to where his elephant-sized calves have gone. Maybe he was stuffing his socks.

I know that Bob Howry and Scott Eyre are great at bridging the gap to the closer.

I don’t know that Ryan Dempster can close out games, thus leaving a gaping hole in the ninth inning. It’s kind of equivalent to a long wooden bridge. Piniella will make it nearly all the way across and then the last wooden plank will collapse and he’ll plummet to a painful loss.

I know “Sweet’ Lou will get thrown out of games.

I don’t know the time frame of his famous press conference quote “we’re going to win here.” Eventually, you’d think so. The drought can’t go on for another 100 years, can it?

I know the Cubs will finish third in the NL Central.

I don’t know which two teams they’ll finish behind. The Cardinals proved to the world that you could be a bad baseball team for 162 games, make the playoffs, become slightly above average and win a World Series. Since they bring back Albert Pujols and Cris Carpenter I suppose they’ve got a legit chance at going back-to-back. That being said, the inscription on their championship rings should read: “biggest fluke in sports history.”

The Milwaukee Brewers should have the best pitching rotation in the division if Ben Sheets can stay healthy. Chris Capuano, Jeff Suppan, Dave Bush and Claudio Vargas are each capable of winning 10-15 games as well.

The Houston Astros added the big bat they’ve waited so long for. Call me crazy, but I believe Carlos Lee might be the first player to hit 65 home runs without steroids. Think about it, he gets to play 81 games in the juice box where lazy pop flies can reach the left field seats. Then, he gets to play another 45 games in the other NL Central parks he terrorized the last two seasons. Once Roger Clemens joins Roy Oswalt and Jason Jennings, the rotation will rival the Brewers.

I know the real question for the Cubs is whether they will be GOOD ENOUGH. The winner of their division doesn’t have to be good because the National League is somewhere between AAA and the major leagues (lets call it AAAA). Unfortunately, it still gets four teams into the postseason with the same chance to win it all.

I don’t know when the Cubs will finally win a World Series.

I know it won’t be in 2007.